Do I watch Jeremy Kyle and wind myself listening to the arrogant, little spud spouting his form of wisdom at people with really bad teeth on the off-chance there will be a bit of a scrap.
OR...do I get off my bum and get on with my sculpting?
Posts archive for: May, 2007
-
Crisis Averted
@ 2007-05-27 – 21:22:25
The fella has just been in a right state as 24 had just started and the remote control was nowhere to be found.
I absolutely did NOT hide it from him at all...wouldn't dream of it...don't know what you're talking about...do you have proof I moved it?
I gain not one iota of pleasure watching him flap and panic...not at all...cruel to suggest otherwise...not me, no sirree.
I know I would rather be rubbed all with the rough side of a cheese grater and then sit in a vat of vinegar than have to watch of episode of 24 but that doesn't mean I would deny him his hour of enjoyment (for long anyway
) -
Wet Dog Smell
@ 2007-05-26 – 17:50:46
I've just had to bath my dog. The dirty little git had found something smelly in the garden and had rolled all over it. I don't know what it was in the little bag and I don't really care, but it stunk. I wasn't going to take any chances with it as a neighbour a few doors down had had her dog poisoned by someone chucking something over the fence which he had eaten without her knowing until she took him to the vet as he got very ill very quickly.
The dubious contents of the bag looked a bit like some form of offal but it was a bit green and slimey. Yuch!
Anyway, I picked up my dog and took him to the bathroom pretty sharpish and attempted to get him in the bath, which wasn't that easy even though he is a Jack Russell and only weighs 5.7 kilos. Any Jack owner will tell you they are feisty, stubborn little bastards and if they don't want to do something, well, let's just say you have a fight on your hands.
After 5 minutes of being clawed at and being soaked every time he shook (which he took great pleasure in doing roughly every 20 seconds) I left the bathroom with an altogether nicer smelling pooch, but one with a fouler temper than usual. He spent 10 minutes running madly about and rubbing himself on the carpet, bed, sofa and everything else he could find to dry himself on and now he's sat glaring at me like I'm the worst owner in the world.
I never made him roll in whatever it was so he's only got himself to blame
-
Shop Monkey
@ 2007-05-26 – 14:34:23
Do you know what I hate? I hate shop assistants with whiney, nasal voices who believe that their name tags give them the god (or other deity of choice) given right to treat you like you're clueless, retarded or have the IQ of a glass of warm water.
I decided to buy my son a bike for christmas the other day (how on the ball am I?) and seeing as Halfords has a sale on we went and had a look. We found the perfect bike and it's half price at £149 (fricking bargain), I'm so having that.
Enter shop monkey with aforementioned nasal voice who then tries to tell me it's too big for my son and putting the seat down will damage the frame and blah, blah, blah can he show me some other bikes (more expensive...fancy that). I hop up on my high horse at this, and firmly tell the spotty simian that I will be having the bike I picked and seeing as my son won't be getting it until christmas (when he turns 17) then I'm pretty sure he will have grown the extra 1 or 2 whole inches it would take in order for the bike not to be too big. And even if he doesn't then that is my problem to worry about and not his. I then point out that there is a rival bike shop just across the road (it's small but does good business) and even though they don't have the exact same model then I'm pretty sure they will have something similar and how would the management feel about him chasing away potential sales.
I end my tirade at this point by telling him that he's there to offer help and advice and not to attempt to brow-beat customers. Also, my son was shifting from one foot to the other in embarrassment wearing that mortified look teenagers get when out with their mothers. Hey, he wanted the fucking thing in the first place. Ungrateful little toe-rag.
-
Home Alone
@ 2007-05-26 – 12:16:58
My fella is taking my son to see Pirates of the Caribbean this afternoon. He didn't ask me if I wanted to go, not that I would because the cinema we have in our tiny town is nasty. Two screens, no air-conditioning, half the seats are broken and the other half smell funny and are sticky. Also, he objects to my comments about Johhny Depp's looks and the things I could teach him given half a chance. I don't moan when he's quietly dribbling over Kate Winslet (who I believe is as tasty as a glass of gorilla vomit)
So I'll patiently wait until it comes out on DVD and then I'll be able to sit in the comfort of my own home and ogle away to my heart's content
-
Conversations with W**kers
@ 2007-05-26 – 00:04:24
I was online with at my friend's house as I was googling something for her. I didn't realise her msn messenger was signed in until some arse she met on an dating site signed in and said hello. We both ignored him and I carried on with what I was doing. He sent a couple of nudges, which we again ignored but the persistant little numpty carried on trying to get her attention, in the end I gave up ignoring him and answered. This is more or less the conversation that followed
Him...."u not talkin"
Me..."no"
Him..."y"
Me..."I'm not Julie"
Him...."who r u"
Me..."her friend"
Him..."wears Julie" (not my spelling mistake, it's his)
Me..."elsewhere"
Him..."go on cam"
Me..."no"
Him...who r u"
Me..."bugger off I'm busy"
Him..."I wana talk 2 Julie she sexy"Now at this my blood started to boil, she only started chatting to him less than 24 hours before and he wants to talk to her because she's SEXY? Yeah, he really wants to get to know her as a person. The conversation went downhill quickly after that.
Me..."You're unbelievable. That's my friend you're talking about, not some piece of meat. She's more than a nice body, she's got a mind and feelings as well. You should have a bit more fucking respect"
Him..."fuckin respect?"
Him..."ur rood u r"
Me..."yeah, what's your point?"
Him..."u on summin?"
Me..."It pisses me off when twats like you feel it's alright to treat a woman like an unthinking sexual object only there to satisfy you. All you want to do is get into her knickers"
Him..."nop"
Him..."i think shes a lovely person 2"
Me..."Oh please! Don't piss on my shoes and tell me it's raining"
Him..."eh?"
Me..."*sighs* I don't expect someone with spelling and puctuation as poor as yours to understand"
Him..."ur a bitch"
Me..."again...what's your point?"
Me..."bored now...*blocks twat*"You're probably thinking I was out of order and shouldn't have butted in. Maybe I shouldn't have, but I'm the one who has to listen to her sobbing into her vodka because yet another man has used and dumped her, I'm the one who has to pick up the pieces. I swear the girl is a twat magnet. She's so naive she can't see when they're telling her exactly what she wants to hear in order to get her in bed.
She said to me later that she thought he might just want sex because when she started chatting to him the day before he said she was gorgeous and then asked her for a picture of her in her underwear. Noooo! Reeeealllly? /sarcasm
